All those years ago
by PaSsIoNaTeDrEaMer
Summary: 5 yrs later, they meet again..but will things ever be the same?


_FIVE YEARS LATER_

Voiceover: "A man by the name of Kahlil Gibran said if you love somebody; let them go, for if they return, they were always yours. And if they don't, they never were. You hear it when you are a teen when you first love tragically leaves you and your friends want to convey their sympathies, I just wanted to wanted to dye my hair black so in the case he did come back he would be awfully sorry that he ever left."

She took his breath away. The long blonde locks of hair that framed her face. Those big beautiful hazel eyes. The smile that lit up the heavens. He sighed, knowing, she would never be his. She was too good for him, he knew it, but he had to at least try. They had been friends and lovers, yet her beauty never failed to captivate him. With her every move, he was hypnotized, lost in her soul.

Even under the circumstances, she was breathtakingly beautiful. Wearing a strapless black satin dress, strappy sandals, and her hair twisted back into a low pony, she was the figure of an angel. Tears rolled softly down her cheeks as she said one last goodbye to her mother. She had just flown in that day, she was head of pediatrics at NYC General Hospital in New York. She transferred there after the prom at SGH. The pressure was too much for her. Trying to decide between Derek and Finn. She loved Derek, she had loved him from the night she met him at Joes. Finn, on the other hand, was like a breath of fresh air. No secrets, no strings, just plans, and plans, well, those freaked her out a bit.

Izzy, George, Cristina and Burke consoled her as they lowered her mother into the ground. The chief stood near, holding Meredith in his arms. She began to break down, Derek wanted to run to her, to hold her, to tell her everything he should have told her years ago. But he paused. He knew she wasn't ready to forgive him. He wasn't even ready to forgive himself.

He slowly turned, suddenly feeling out of place and began to walk away. Meredith looked up, feeling his presence near. She turned only to see his backside as he climbed into his car and took off. She sighed as another tear rolled down her cheeks. She ached to chase after him, but she wasn't ready.

As the minister ended the funeral, the gang decided to go to Joe's. They all decided Meredith needed some tequila to get her mind off her mother and for coming back to Seattle. They all knew she was nervous about coming back. Especially since everything happened after the prom. Derek confessed his love for her, but he pressured her too much. He told her he would wait, but in fact, he did anything but. He was always there, always pressuring her, always pushing. It was too much for Meredith. They got into a huge fight over it and he had said some unforgivable things to her. She decided then and there, if she was going to become a good surgeon, she had to leave SGH. The chief arranged for her to be transferred to NYCGH under a colleagues care. She would complete her internship, and if she chose, always had a place back at SGH.

They walked into Joe's and when Joe saw Meredith, he grabbed the tequila and sat on in front of her 'seat' at the bar. "Long time no see stranger!" She smiled, "Thanks." "It's on the house, all night, you look like hell and I've missed you." She really missed Joe. He had been such a good friend to her. He was the one who listened to her rant about Derek. He was there when he broke her heart. Joe was always there to pick up poor broken Meredith. God, she missed this place.

About an hour passed, Meredith was pretty drunk and decided she wanted to challenge Cristina to a game of darts. "I bet my day was worse than yours," Meredith challenged. "Yea? Wanna bet?" Cristina shot back. The two laughed remembering all the good times they had and all the tough times they had been through. "We miss you Mere, screw McMoron, we want you to come back, hell, even BAILEY misses you." Meredith raised an eyebrow to her, "Yea right. She rode me so hard for this Derek thing, I ignored her, she tried to give me advice, I ignored her. If anything she's probably glad shes not having to try to control my love life anymore!" She took another shot. "Damn I'm drunk. I need sex." Cristina chuckled, "Don't look at me!" The two friends laughed hysterically, bringing attention to themselves.

His head jerked up when he heard that angelic sound. His eyes darted around the room but he couldn't see her. He was in the back corner booth, he could see the entire bar area except the dartboard. He went to stand up when someone pushed him back down into his seat. "Don't do it man." George was standing in his way. "She's finally put back together. She's finally whole again. Don't go over there and break her again. She just lost her mother, give her some space man and get over her." With that George walked away and put his arms around Meredith's shoulders. "Mere, can we talk?"

She looked back at George and nodded. Boy was she drunk. She stumbled outside with him and sat down on the curb admiring the view of SGH. "Mere, I need to tell you something, and please, please don't take this the wrong way." She started to look worried. "I'm one of your closest friends, Mere, you know I'd do anything to protect you...but, ever since you left, things have been falling apart. Cris and Burke broke it off, Izzy refuses to come back to work, shes going to school to become a chef, Alex got kicked out of the program for giving someone too much morphine and caused their death. Derek..." he trailed off when her head jerked to sudden attention. "Derek, he's broken. He doesn't speak to anyone, he doesn't do anything but work, you should try and talk to him..." She looked away. "When you're ready," George finished. She looked at him and smiled, "Thanks Georgie Boy! Now that you've told me that, howsa bout you help me find some SEX!" She took off back into the bar and left George on the curb shell shocked.

She stumbled back into Joe's tripping over her own feet, she fell and hit her head on the corner of the bar. She blacked out for a few minutes. When she opened her eyes, she saw the most beautiful man she'd ever laid eyes on. Piercing blue eyes, dark wavy gorgeous hair, just enough stubble to be sexy. Once her vision focused, she realized she was starting right into the eyes of none other than Derek Shepard. "Hey there beautiful..." he crooned in her ear. She melted right then and there. All the hurt and hatred for him escaped her body when she whispered the words, "Why hello, my McDreamy."

Voiceover: "My dark and twisty love from my teenage lover was never sorry he left, he never came back. There I was lost in thought of things that were never going to happen and the black hair in no way was going to come out. Always wishing that it was all worth it , but now, wishing that the black hair and the thoughts of things that were never going to happen, come back…because love had found its way back and it was right in front of me.

Still standing outside, not believing he just told Meredith to talk to Derek, he heard the commotion and rushed in. "WHAT DID YOU DO TO HER? Just because you broke her doesn't mean you can hurt her again!" With that he swung as hard as he could and punched Derek. Everyone stood there, mouths open, and Derek lying on the floor. "GEORGE!" Izzy screamed, "What are you DOING! Meredith tripped and Derek came to help her!" George froze. "I, I, I thought he hit her..." Derek, now laughing, "Dude, I would never hurt an angel." George reached out and helped Derek up, Derek, still laughing, "Man, you pack one helluva punch. Are you my competition now?" Meredith shot him a hateful look. "You did NOT just say that." Derek's smile faded quickly realizing what he had just said. "Meredith, I'm sorry, it was a joke..." She cut him off, "Thank you Dr. Shepard for helping me, now if you don't mind, I'm going to continue my evening with my friends." She turned on her heel and walked away. Derek dropped his head and walked out the door.

Voiceover: "Even though love came back this time and there weren't any dark and twisty thoughts, there were still friends with sympathies, never take for granted friends with sympathies, how many people will pack a punch for you, knit a sweater with you and keep you in line, even though love comes back, never refuse friends with sympathies!"

The night went on uneventful, other than Meredith still talking about needing to find sex. They decided to wrap it up around 1am and George, Izzy and Meredith went back to Meredith's mothers house. She had let George and Izzy keep it while she was in NY. She plopped down on the couch about to pass out, when the doorbell rang. She didn't feel like getting up but George and Izzie were already upstairs. She slowly got up, stumbled to the door and there he stood. 2 dozen lavendar roses, a bottle of wine and a box of chocolate. He looked like he had been crying. Meredith just stopped and looked at him thru the glass door. He mouthed to her, "I'm sorry, can we talk." Meredith, still looking irritated, shook her head no and mouthed "Why?" He looked up at her and began to let the tears go. He hit his knees and was begging her to listen. Her heart ached wondering what exactly he had to say to her.

Voiceover: "What do you do when you have friends with sympathies helping you try to feed the beast and then love is still persistent enough to find its way back to feeding the beast with the love and hope that you don't turn into a pumpkin at midnight….I am kinda rambling again….Oh god, there isn't a banana to fix and save me this time. Man wouldn't I need it now."

She slowly opened the door and walked outside to help him up. "What do you want Derek, why are you here?" He handed her the roses, opened the wine and sat the chocolate on the table. "Because, I had to finish things. If I am ever going to get over you, I have to have closure." Her heart sank. She had thought he was crawling back to her, but instead, he was trying to let her go. Tears started to well up in her eyes, as she looked up at him. "Meredith, what's wrong?" He caressed the side of her face wiping away her tears. She placed her hand on his, and whispered, "I don't want you to let me go."

Voiceover: "No girl really wants the dark and twisty black hair and friends with sympathies, and pumpkins at midnight, they want the fairy tale ending….the love to come back….making it always theirs to keep. They want to make Kahlil Gibran right, if it is true it will come back to you with a doubt or a worry…."

He looked at her, "I have to Meredith. I can't move on and live a fulfilling life with you still on my mind, in my heart, all the time. I can't continue walking around in a complete daze wondering what you're doing at what very moment." He was remembering what George had told him, "Just let her go man..." "Meredith, I think this is for the best. I just needed to see you. I needed to say, goodbye." With that he stood up, smiled that McDreamy smile, turned and walked away from her. That, he vowed, would be the last time he saw her. He planned to transfer soon, and the chief had set up some interviews in New York so he could be close to his family. Thing is, Derek didn't know Meredith was at NYCGH.

Voiceover: "If you love someone set them free, and sometimes in a dark and twisty way they might just come back to you!"

End of Epi

Voiceover: "You know when you were a kid and you would fall down and hurt your knee. You were crying out in this intense pain and feeling like never is going to stop, then you get a purple neon band-aid and all is well in the world…..a wise person once said sometimes I wish I were a little kid again, skinned knees are easier to fix than broken hearts. I tend to agree with them, there isn't a big enough purple band-aid to erase the pain of the heart."

A few months have passed and Derek finally had his transfer papers in order. He was to leave for New York that afternoon at 3pm. He was packing up the rest of his belongings in his office when he ran across an old photo. It was a photo of Meredith, standing in the rain, overlooking the water and ferryboats. She was so happy and carefree and full of love. He stared at the photo and remembered back to the morning after they first met:

Flashback:

DEREK: This is…uh…

Meredith: … humiliating on so many levels. You have to go.

DEREK: Why, why don't you just come back down here and we'll pick up where we left off.

Meredith: No seriously you have to go. I'm late which isn't what you want to be on your first day of work, so…

DEREK : So, ah, you actually live here?

Meredith: No.

DEREK: Oh.

Meredith: Yes. Kind of.

DEREK: Oh. It's nice. A little dusty. Odd. But it's nice. Huh. So how do you kinda live here?

Meredith: I moved 2 weeks ago from Boston. It was my mother's house. I'm selling it.

DEREK: Oh I'm sorry.

Meredith: For what?

DEREK: You said was.

Meredith: Oh my mother's not dead. She's … you know what? We don't have to do the thing.

DEREK: Oh. We can do anything you want.

Meredith: No the thing. Exchange the details, pretend we care. Look I'm going to go upstairs and take a shower. Okay and when I get back down here, you won't be here. So … um … goodbye … uh …

DEREK: Derek.

MEREDITH: Derek. Right, Meredith.

DEREK (grinning): Meredith.

MEREDITH (smiling): Yeah. Mmm hmm.

DEREK: Nice meeting you.

MEREDITH: Bye Derek

End flashback

He smiled remembering that day. She was so beautiful, especially when she was embarrassed. As he packed the photo into the box, he heard a knock at the door. It was the Chief. "Derek, glad I caught you. I have a few things I need to talk with you about before you go..." Derek interrupted him, "Sorry Chief, can I call you when I get there and get settled?" He looks at his watch. "I'm already running 15 minutes late, I want to be ready and on time on my first day at NYCGH." He rushed out the door, the chief shook his head as Derek rushed past him. "You're not ready for anything yet."

Voiceover: "If only the heart was easily healed as a bumped up knee…people wouldn't have the need to be dark twisty but able to move on as fast as you can rip that neon band-aid off."

Meredith was sitting in her office looking over the case file of a 4 year old little girl named Darian. She had come in with a broken arm, and some bumps and bruises. She was also having small seizures and she was milling over the tests to see if she could point out what exactly was wrong. She just KNEW she was bleeding into her brain, which was causing the seizures, but the scans were clean. She found herself thinking about Derek. "He would know what to do. He would take a leap of faith and go in, find it and fix this little girl. What would he do if he were here."

Derek had arrived at NYCGH around 8pm and his first assignment was to meet with the head of Pediatrics, as he had been informed of a small girl having seizures. He went to the pediatric floor, and knocked on the door. He was more than shocked, to say the least, when Meredith opened the door.

He stood there, jaw dropped, staring at her. "What, what are you doing here?" He asked her. She scowled at him wondering just HOW he knew when to show up. She had JUST been thinking about him, then bam, there he was. "I'm the head of pediatrics, what are YOU doing here?" He was still in shock, replied with, I just transferred here and was informed you have a little girl having seizures?" She nodded and walked to her desk and grabbed the tests.

While he looked them over, she watched intently, remembering how much she missed having him around. Then she suddenly remembered how he had broken her yet again. He had said good bye, said he was done. Yet, here he was. Love's a bitch.

_Song Playing in background "I'm Broken" by Seether/Evanescence_

_I wanted you to know  
I love the way you laugh  
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away  
I keep your photograph;  
I know it serves me well  
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain_

They had finished with Darian, and Derek and Meredith were having coffee in the cafeteria. He couldn't take his eyes off her. He kept thinking back to the night she left...

_Because I'm broken when I'm lonesome  
And I don't feel right when you're gone away_

She looked up at him, "What? Why are you looking at me like that?" He blushed, "I just can't help it. I missed you so much Meredith. I don't know where to start..." He trailed off. "Not here Derek, Not now. We are working, and this, you and me, this is strictly professional. Nothing happened in our past, no one here knows about 'us', and I plan to keep it that way." She went to stand up when Addison walked up. "There you are Mere, you ready to go?" She glanced at Derek and had to do a double take. She turned to look back at Meredith, "Whats HE doing here?" Meredith smiled, "Ask him yourself." Addy grabbed Merediths arm and the two walked out of the cafeteria without even saying good bye to Derek. He was still sitting there in shock. Not only had he been assigned to NYCGH where Meredith was working, but now Addison was working there too. He just shook his head, got up, and went back to work.

Addison was grilling Meredith as to why Derek was here. Meredith didn't know the answers herself. She told Addison about everything that happened from the moment he knocked on the door until she walked up. Addi looked at her and smiled, "I Think he misses you Mere. He came all this way..." Mere jerked her head in Addi's direction, "He is the one who told ME goodbye yknow. HE is the reason I left SGH. HE didn't have the decency to come after me sooner and now he expects me to just fall back into his arms? I don't think so."

Voiceover: Alicia Barnhart once said, ""True love never dies for it is lust that fades away. Love bonds for a lifetime but lust just pushes away."

Derek refused to give up on Meredith this time around. He vowed once and for all, he would make up for the past. Even if they could no longer be lovers, at least he will have known he tried. He called back home to Seattle and had a man to man with Burke revealing his plans. Burke, then relayed the plans to Cristina, who then told the rest of the gang. Derek was going to make sure Meredith had the time of her life. He was going to create something that would be forever etched in her memory.

Meredith was on the couch flipping through a magazine when the phone rang. She picked it up. It was Cristina. "Meredith guess what!" Meredith, confused, "What?" I'm getting married!" Meredith was stunned. "To BURKE! I didn't even know you were THAT serious. I mean, I knew you loved him but you Cris are NOT the settling down type!" Cristina laughed at her, "BUT, that's not the BEST news...We are coming to NEW YORK!" Meredith squealed with excitement. "When? What can I do to help! Oh I'm happy for you!" Cristina gave her the details on when they would be arriving, just to make sure she kept her occupied as Derek and Burke set up the evening that Meredith would never forget.

Meredith sighed as she sat back down on the couch wondering to herself, How was she going to handle working with Derek again? Could she hide the feelings she had for him and brush him aside? No way, she knew better than that. She just had to find ways to avoid him.

Meredith was almost asleep when the phone rang. It was her roomate Sara. "Hello?" A groggy Meredith said. Sara replied with, "OH good you're up! I meant to tell you, I'll be home a day early, my brother is moving here and I offered him the spare bedroom. I need to be there when he shows up. He's kinda shy...you know, I bet you two hit it off..." Meredith was almost asleep, "Sure Sara, see you tomorrow..." She dropped her cell to the ground and fell asleep.

Sara had been one of the first people she met when she moved here. Other than already knowing Addison, Meredith had no one. Sara had put up a bulletin for a roomate in the local real estate ads. She answered and they clicked right away. Sara was the youngest of 5, 4 girls, 1 boy, newly divorced, no children. Her husband of 3 years had an affair and she found out the hard way: She walked in on him sleeping with her best friend. (Ironic, eh?)

Voiceover:

When I was going to college I took this philosophy class where I learned," Disenchantment, whether it is a minor disappointment or a major shock, is the signal that things are moving into transition in our lives." We go through many transitions in our quest to truly be called a surgeon: our internship, residency, fellowship and finally we call ourselves surgeons. If only life was that easily labeled. Yeah, the quest to be a surgeon is hard but what stage can we truly call ourselves mature, fully functional adults with the ability to handle any little surprise that might come our way?


End file.
